Do you know that feeling? Have you ever been there, at a place where you feel like you just show up and take the blows day after day?
Maybe it’s your personal relationship with a family member, spouse or significant other—I’ve been there! Maybe it’s your boss, or a co-worker, or a team of people you just can’t seem to communicate with.
If you’re in a position (as many are) where people never take blame, point fingers, and throw you under the bus, let’s face it, that’s not a fun way to go through life.
But whether your in an unhealthy, abusive relationship as I was years ago, or it’s happening at work, what do you do about it? Do you complain to people at home about work, at to people at work about home? (You realize that isn’t doing anything to fix the problem right?) Do you talk to the person who is not playing fair, or do you go over their heads to the boss for help?
Ah—but too many of the people I meet spend the wee hours of the night when they should be sleeping, stressing out about these situations. The cool thing is, you have the opportunity to do something about this that doesn’t even involve anyone else. Yup, it’s true.
If you’ve heard me speak you probably heard about the formula E + R = O.
The Events in your life, plus your Response to the event, equals the Outcome. That’s as basic as you can get. You have a choice, even if it’s how you respond, or what you think or say to yourself after something happens.
Have you stopped to ask yourself what you’re doing to contribute to this situation? That’s a hard pill to swallow, isn’t it? “But Lori! my co-worker continually yells at me, demeans me and is unprofessional.” Okay, but you’re allowing it to happen, somewhere deep inside you’re acknowledging that what they say is true to some degree. The bully is hitting a sensitive spot, an insecurity, a belief that no longer serves you, enter drama.
What if you show up to meetings and encounters with this person and expect to have the upper hand? What if you take charge and be the leader vs. waiting to see what they will do you next? You can create situations in the way you want them to happen, or you can watch for what life does to you. Then you experience life as a victim of your circumstances and you’ll never be happy.
It’s a very small shift in your attitude that changes the outcomes of these encounters. Then new resources show up and the situation changes. But if your belief is that you’re a human punching bag and you’re always waiting for the next shoe to drop—it will. If you determine that it’s time to walk away from this drama and own how you’re contributing, your life experience will change and expand and you will grow into the person you really want to be. Powerful, confident and free of self-doubt. And that is a great way to live!
